Two reasons: money and trust issues. Men are good in math. They know that 50% of all marriages end up in divorce, with 80% of them filed by women. That is 4 out of 10 marriages are ended by the wife filing the divorce. There’s a 40% chance they gamble and may lose. Divorce is equivalent to death. Death in relationships and death in finances. They do the math and they think of child support, division of assets, lawyer fees, or alimony if she was a stay-home wife for a long time.
Financial instability play a big role too. They know marriage means babies and a house and in their number conscious mind, that equals money. There’s even a trend developing right now among male Americans in their 20s and 30s that instead of pursuing financial success, they want a more leisurely lifestyle, no career pressure, unmarried and with no kids. Quite disturbing but real.
Another source of fear, men hear a lot of marriage-stories-gone-bad from their own families, friends, relatives, co-workers and other people. The older they get, the more “horror stories” they hear which convinces them they are doing the smart thing staying single. They notice this and download this in their brain under the file of “Why-I-should-not-get-married”. Marriage has become Las Vegas to them but a gamble that may ruin them forever and not worth taking a chance.
Men wants love and marriage, but men are afraid and they no longer trust the system to be favorable to them. In the 1970s when the no-fault divorce became a law, it opened a new way of opting out of marriage easily instead of working on it and divorce has become more the chosen option instead of working on their marriage . And also, the culture of living together (majority don’t end up in marriage) gave men the benefits of marriage without signing the marriage deed. As I heard a man said about his nine-year girlfriend, “Why fix it when it’s not broken”, and that has become their attitude today.
But there’s hope to this. If a woman can convince her man that marriage to her won’t lead to another divorce statistic, if you can “gently” cure him of his “marital phobia” by curing him of his trust issues, that you are safe and can be trusted, then there’s hope. I know two men who avowed to lifetime bachelorhood, but when they met the right woman, they got married right away. It’s not that men don’t want marriage because they do. It’s just that men nowadays are scared of marriage and it’s up to the women to cure them of that. When a man says, “I don’t want to get married!”, what he’s actually saying, “I’m afraid of getting married.” I’m sure he loves you but he has to picture you as a safe bet, a trusted partner in the future, then he may take the plunge and marry you.
Copyright 2013 Ketchie V. Schauf