Yes you CAN have sex on the first date! New dating guide turns The Rules on their head with advice on everything from sexting to dating dress codes
PUBLISHED: 17:07 EST, 3 July 2013
A new dating guide is challenging conventional wisdom by telling women it’s fine to have sex on the first date. Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser, authors of the new dating guide It’s Okay To Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked told theNew York Post that the current crop of dating guides are ‘of another era’.
They explain that while women have some valid reasons for waiting to get horizontal, the fear that men may brand them ‘undateable’ should not be one of them.
‘We don’t think “This one’s girlfriend material because she waited a month, and that one’s booty-call material because she came back to my place,”‘ Wilser writes.
‘There mere act of waiting does not magically create chemistry.’
But even though they advocate throwing out most rules, the experts still have a few in place. For example, Wilsner says that a man should always pay on the first date, even if he’s broke, the date wasn’t his idea, or the woman clearly isn’t interested.
Dating updated: Relationship experts Andrea Syrtash (left) and Jeff Wilser (right) explain in their new book why current love advice is outdated and we need to trust ourselves more
‘The guy who doesn’t pay isn’t some daring, trailblazing pioneer for women’s rights,’ he explains. ‘He’s just cheap.’
They also point out that, even though you don’t need to wear high heels and a dress on a first date you should still strive to look ‘hot’ and ‘approachable’ without being ‘overdone’ and avoid ‘oversize, baggy clothes that make you look like an old woman who lives in a shoe.’
NEW RULES: FIVE DATING RULES WE CAN NOW DITCH
1. Don’t have sex on the first date
2. Never date a co-worker
3. Never talk politics or religion on a first date
4. Date someone age-appropriate
5. Men and women can’t be friends
Another piece of so-called wisdom the authors hate is that ‘nice’ is synonymous with ‘weak’.
Being kind, thoughtful and having good character are always turn-ons.
Wilsner claims it’s also a myth that most men marry high-maintenance bitches. ‘A woman should be strong, independent, empowered and self-sufficient. But the word for that kind of behavior is not “bitch”. It’s “woman”.’
The rule about never discussing politics and religion on the first date? The authors say the most common complaints after a first date are actually that the other person talked too much about themselves, or even worse, was boring. So sharing your passions in a respectful way is a good thing.
And if your date says anything really alarming – like the girl Wilsner dated who said she was ‘into slavery’ – well, at least you know sooner rather than later.
The authors advice if you don’t fall in love at first sight or sex isn’t instantly earth-shattering? Give it time, because sex early in a relationship can be super awkward. Wilser cautions, however, that if you only get the look of love when wearing beer goggles or the idea of kissing your partner ‘gives you the willies’, it’s time to bail out.
‘You need to take risks in love,’ Syrtash insists. ‘Some of the best stories I’ve heard about people who find love feature those who broke dating rules.’